Sex Ed, Disability, and the Right to Understand
Written by: Ariel Davis, MPH, CSE
When people hear the words “sexual health,” they often think about STI testing, birth control, condoms, pregnancy prevention, or doctor visits. Those things matter, but they are not the whole picture. Sexual health is also about consent, boundaries, body awareness, relationships, communication, safety, and knowing that your body belongs to you.
For people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, also known as I/DD, these conversations are often skipped, delayed, or watered down. Sometimes adults avoid the topic because they feel uncomfortable. Sometimes they worry the person will not understand. Sometimes they believe talking about sexuality will encourage behavior they are trying to prevent.
The problem is that silence teaches too.
When we avoid these conversations, people are still learning from somewhere. They may learn from the internet, television, social media, peers, unsafe people, or confusing situations they are not prepared for. They may also learn that their questions are wrong, their bodies are shameful, or their feelings should be hidden. None of that supports safety.
A lot of people with I/DD are only taught about sexuality after something has already happened. Maybe they touched someone without asking. Maybe they had a private behavior in a public space. Maybe they asked a question that made adults uncomfortable. Maybe they showed interest in dating, relationships, or sex, and the adults around them did not know what to do with that.
Too often, the response becomes “don’t do that.”
That may stop something in the moment, but it does not teach the person what to do instead. It does not explain consent. It does not teach privacy. It does not help someone understand how to say no, how to ask before touching another person, how to recognize unsafe behavior, or how to talk to a trusted person when something feels wrong.
Rules without understanding are not enough. People need information they can actually use.
Why the Way We Teach Matters
When we talk about people with I/DD being left out of sexual health education, we also have to talk about the way these conversations happen. It is not enough to finally give someone information if the information is delivered with shame, fear, confusion, or no room for choice.
That is where trauma-informed sex education comes in.
Trauma-informed sex education does not mean turning every conversation into therapy. It does not mean asking people to share painful experiences. It does not mean making sexuality education scary, graphic, or overwhelming.
It means remembering that many people have had experiences where their bodies, choices, or voices were not fully respected. For people with disabilities, this may include abuse, medical trauma, being touched without clear explanation, being restrained, being spoken over, or having decisions made for them again and again.
That history can affect how someone learns about bodies, consent, relationships, and safety. A person may need more time. They may need clear words. They may need choices. They may need to know what is being discussed before the conversation begins. They may need adults to stay calm when they ask a question.
A trauma-informed approach asks us to slow down and think about both what we teach and how we teach it. Are we giving people information they can understand? Are we making room for questions? Are we correcting people with shame, or helping them build skills? Are we giving people choices, or expecting them to sit quietly while adults decide what they are allowed to know?
These questions matter because sexual health education is not only about facts. It is also about trust. And for many people who have been left out, controlled, or misunderstood, trust has to be built on purpose.
Where Parents, Caregivers, Educators, and Providers Can Start
You do not have to know everything to begin. A good starting place is being honest, calm, and clear. People with I/DD deserve information that matches their learning style, communication needs, and real-life experiences.
You can start by using the correct names for body parts. You can teach that consent is not only about sex. Consent can show up with hugs, photos, personal space, helping with care, borrowing items, or entering someone’s room. You can explain private and public behavior without making someone feel dirty or bad. You can practice simple phrases like “no,” “stop,” “I don’t like that,” “can I have a hug?” or “I need help.”
You can also teach that other people have boundaries too. This part matters. Good sexuality education helps people understand their own rights and respect the rights of others. It should support safety, self-advocacy, and healthy connection.
These conversations do not need to happen all at once. In fact, they usually should not. Many people learn best with repetition, examples, visuals, practice, and time. One conversation is not a full education. One worksheet is not a full education. One awkward talk in the car is not a full education, although it may still be a brave start.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is to stop waiting until there is a crisis.
What Changes When We Teach Instead of Avoid
When sexuality education is clear and respectful, people have a better chance of understanding their bodies, their choices, and their relationships. They can learn how to ask questions. They can learn how to name a boundary. They can learn what unsafe behavior may look like. They can learn that saying no is allowed. They can also learn that someone else’s no matters too.
This does not mean pushing anyone toward dating, sex, or relationships. It means recognizing that people need information before they are expected to make decisions, follow rules, or stay safe in a world that is not always clear or kind.
Sexuality education is not only for people who are dating. It is not only for people who are sexually active. It is not only for people who can explain every feeling perfectly. It is for anyone who has a body, relationships, boundaries, questions, or a right to safety.
That includes people with I/DD.
A Call to Do Better
During Sexual Health Awareness Month, I hope we make the conversation wider. Sexual health should include people who communicate differently, learn differently, need support, or have been left out of traditional education. It should include people whose questions have been ignored and people whose behavior has been corrected without anyone slowing down to teach them why.
If you are a parent, caregiver, educator, direct support professional, provider, or organization leader, start by asking better questions. What have we avoided because we felt uncomfortable? What have we assumed someone could not understand? What skills have we expected someone to use without ever teaching them? Where are we giving rules when we should be building understanding?
People with I/DD deserve more than silence. They deserve more than fear. They deserve more than “don’t do that.”
They deserve education that is clear, respectful, accessible, and rooted in dignity. They deserve to know their bodies matter, their voices matter, their boundaries matter, and their choices matter.
Better sex education is possible. We just have to care enough to teach it.
Sources & Further Reading
Published in the American Journal of Sexuality Education (2026)
SIECUS: Comprehensive Sex Education for Youth with Disabilities
Additional Learning Tools
Color Outside the Lines
An inclusive sexuality education coloring book created to support conversations about bodies, consent, relationships, sexual health, testing, identity, and self-expression. This book can be used by educators, caregivers, programs, and self-advocates as a creative tool to make sexual health topics feel more approachable, visual, and easier to discuss.
PROUD
An inclusive pride and identity coloring book that celebrates LGBTQIA+ identities, disability pride, mental health, neurodivergence, and self-expression. This book can be used as a starting point for conversations about identity, belonging, representation, and the many ways people understand and express who they are.
Connect with Ariel
Ariel Davis, MPH, CSE, is the founder of Ariel Explains It All, where she provides accessible, trauma-informed sexuality and relationship education for neurodivergent people and people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, as well as training and support for families, caregivers, programs, and organizations.
To learn more, visit arielexplainsitall.com or contact Ariel at ariel@arielexplainsitall.com.
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